August 20, 1994
Title: I Cried as I Knew the Suffering of Jesus and Mary
R. Praying the peace rosary, I couldn't look at Mary's statue. I instantly started to cry and was so connected to her suffering. Just wanted to cry--it wasn't my tears as I was really happy, but I felt so close to her. Same as when I sat in front of the tabernacle and cried. I just have to wait and feel the sorrow and cry until it passes, and then I am close to Them.
I remember at a Friday Sacred Heart Mass, Father Carter said "they broke the legs, then they pierced Jesus' Heart and blood and water came out. I wanted to cry. I feel such sorrow every Friday from 12 to 3 o'clock - it is especially awful during these hours.
It began on December 18, 1993: Jesus said, "I died for you-what more do you want?" I had such presence of Him. It was as though He was sitting there. I felt His emotions in myself. It felt as if He was there with me even though I didn't see Him. I am so united to Him.
I feel Jesus' or Mary's emotions, they let me feel their emotions.
The tears that come from my eyes, and I feel this intense pain in my heart, it is deep-seated, deeper than I can express. It is so deep, I cannot get to the bottom of it, but it is a silent, accepting cry, a wanting to scream from the very depth of my soul, but a silent surrender to the will of God and acceptance of this suffering for the greater good, knowing this is coming from God.
This closeness in the suffering of Jesus, I receive at this point I am in this union so deep in God. An ecstasy involves so deep a connection with God - this is a suffering ecstasy. I am given this emotion--it is from God.
A total submissiveness to express these emotions. Time stands still. I am removed in a way from this world.
Knawing pain in my heart, and awareness of my heart. I feel so close to Mary and God now. I feel removed from this place. It is like I have been touched and have seen heaven and I know we are not to worry, only love God and help others to get there.
My letters have progressed to such emotion when I receive them. He said, "I watched you" - such connection to Him, as if He and Mary are here!
When I am experiencing this, such intense awareness of their presence to the point the world around me seems non-existent. I am united to God.
This is real. We are living in God's world. We must love God and one another and help others to get to heaven. Pray constantly.
I realize how souls are going to hell, how souls need my prayers, how souls all over the world are in darkness and I realize the urgency of this call.
Jesus told me He wanted me to go through these experiences at His Mother's House (the old seminary where Mary was appearing to me daily). He told me to pray here and I would have such experiences. I have written most of His letters here and experienced so many deep presences of the Almighty God here at His Mother's House (the old seminary).
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